"I Thought I'd Be Happy": Mental Health During Pregnancy and After Birth

When I found out I was pregnant, I was so happy. This was something I wanted. Finding out I was having a boy made everything feel even more real, and I loved planning for his arrival. When he was finally here—healthy and perfect—I was happy...but I wasn't ecstatic.

I wasn't overwhelmed with this immediate, magical feeling that everyone talks about. I loved him. I knew I would protect him with everything I had. I held him constantly, rarely let him cry, and did everything I could to care for him.

But if I'm being honest? I didn't feel instantly, deeply attached. That wasn't what I expected, and it certainly wasn't what movies, television, books, or even other moms had led me to believe motherhood would feel like.

Then something changed.

As he began smiling, interacting with me, developing his little personality, and eventually talking, I completely fell in love. Looking back, I realize that my attachment simply grew over time rather than happening all at once. Did I harm my baby because I wasn't instantly "obsessed" with him? Not at all. Do we have a wonderful, close relationship now? Absolutely. It just didn't happen the way I expected, and at first, that made me wonder if something was wrong with me.

Thankfully, by the time my second son was born, I knew myself better. I knew I would bond with him—it just might not happen immediately. And that's okay. Pregnancy and childbirth are hard. Really hard. Even with a healthy pregnancy, your body changes in ways you've never experienced before. Hormones fluctuate, sleep disappears, your identity begins shifting, and suddenly everyone has opinions about how you should feel.

For me, anxiety skyrocketed. The intrusive thoughts were relentless. Every worst-case scenario seemed possible. Because I'm a psychologist, I recognized these thoughts for what they were. Thoughts are just thoughts. They weren't causing me to act in harmful ways, and I knew that if they became too overwhelming, I could reach out to my own therapist.

What surprised me wasn't the anxiety.

It was how people responded when I tried to talk about it.

"Oh, you're just a first-time mom."

"He's such an easy baby."

"You'll be fine. Just relax."

Most people meant well. But reassurance isn't always what someone needs. Sometimes they need someone who will simply listen without minimizing what they're experiencing. Although I didn't experience depression during pregnancy or postpartum depression myself, many women do.

Depression can begin during pregnancy. It can begin after delivery. Some women experience overwhelming anxiety, panic, obsessive thoughts, or feelings of disconnection instead of sadness. Others feel guilty because they aren't experiencing the joy everyone told them they would. None of these experiences make someone a bad mother. And none of them mean they should suffer in silence.

If your experience of pregnancy or new motherhood doesn't match what you imagined, that doesn't mean you've failed. It doesn't mean you love your baby any less. And it certainly doesn't mean you have to "just get over it." Support matters. Sometimes that's a partner. Sometimes it's family. Sometimes it's another mom who's been there. And sometimes it's a therapist.

Talking through what you're experiencing doesn't make you weak—it gives you a place where you don't have to pretend everything is okay. Motherhood isn't one-size-fits-all.

Your story doesn't have to look like anyone else's to be a beautiful one.